After a whole week of being cooped up, and recovering from the birthday festivities, I thought it would do me good to get some fresh air, and feel like part of society again.
Friday I felt very weak and shaky, I didn't even have the energy to lift a pen to fill in my Work Capability Assessment form (more on that later).
But yesterday, around early afternoon? A whole world of pain was visited upon me. Literally. Everything ached: toes, throat (especially when I coughed. Because of course I had a cough too...), fingers, hips, back, calves. Like I said, everything. I've had aches and pains frequently over the course of this illness, but this, this, truly took it to a whole other level. Every time I tried to find a comfortable position to lie in I'd wince in pain. And that was before the headache kicked in.
At one point, when I was actually crying with the discomfort, I was seriously beginning to wonder whether I'd had meningitis. The only thing stopping me from dialling 999 was the fact I didn't have any sign of a rash, and my skin seemed blotch free. Aversion to light? Check. Headache? Check. Swollen glands, aching limbs, fever? Check, check and check. Oh yes, and vomiting too.
Mercifully I managed to finally drift off to sleep, after we'd decamped to the sofa bed in the living room (where it was cooler) in the early hours of the morning.
I woke up at 9.15(ish), my limbs were still painful but, thankfully, the headache had subsided to a level that was just about manageable. That is: I could lift my head off the pillow without feeling like someone was going at my frontal lobe with a jack-hammer.
So, not meningitis then.
A huge relief, obviously, but at the same time it's rather depressing to realise it was clearly the M.E. stepping up its game, reminding me who's boss around here. As if I was likely to have forgotten.
Most of the time I'm positive I'm going to recover, that I will get better. But then days like that come along and it's so difficult to envisage ever being well again.
Roll on next Wednesday and my first CFS clinic appointment, is all I can say...